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Kings Cross Whisper - Funny Quotations from Articles

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The Kings Cross Whisper, the satirical Kings Cross newspaper of the 1960s/1970s, was famed for its hilarious articles, that were full of tongue-in-cheek humor which sent up the issues and famous people of the day

Come with us down memory lane as we reproduce some funny quotations from some of those articles:

Controversy over the construction of the Sydney Opera House

"The partly completed Sydney Opera House will be demolished to make way for extensions to Harry's Cafe de Wheels... The announcement was made this week... simultaneously with ... Mr. Joern Utzon's resignation as architect."
(Kings Cross Whisper, March 1966)

Victoria's wowsers and strict censorship

"The 1966 Sydney Telephone Directory has been banned in Melbourne. This action was taken after the Victorian Chief Secretary's Department examined the Directory, and found the the cover to be obscene... 'The cover is in colour,' the spokesman said in horror, 'and it shows a photograph of Martin Place.'

(Kings Cross Whisper, June 1966)

Too much mining?

"Australia has disappeared. The amazing news was flashed to the nation from space last night. 'There are a number of serious implications...' [said Prime Minister, Mr Hurry Halt]. 'Most serious is the fact that GMH and Mt. Isa profits will have to stay in Australia.' "
(Kings Cross Whisper, No. 24)

TAB's new betting offering

"Betting on the TAB in all States is to be extended to cover rat races. This follows the increasingly important part rat races are playing in Australian life..."
(Kings Cross Whisper, No. 26)

Student demonstrations during LBJ's 1966 visit

"Police constables are distributing pamphlets alleging brutality by students and photographers during President Johnson's Melbourne visit... These allegations are listed: ... a student demonstrator bashed four policemen on their knuckles with his chin and nose..."
(Kings Cross Whisper, No. 27)

New Years Eve festivities in Kings Cross

"The Sydney City Council has decided to put man-eating piranha fish in the El Alamein fountain at Kings Cross. Revellers traditionally jump into the fountain every New Year's Eve. 'This should add to the fun of our next New Year's Eve'..."
(Kings Cross Whisper, No. 29)

The never-ending construction of the Eastern Suburbs Railway

"Work on Sydney's eastern suburbs railway, which started in 1888, will be resumed next week as an election stunt... The State Government has imported 8,000 North American moles... to dig the tunnels..."
(Kings Cross Whisper, Issue No. 32)

Ronald Biggs hiding in Australia

"Great Train Robber Ronald Biggs has been posing as a gummy shark at the Manly Marineland... 'I wondered why the gummy shark was so keen on kippers -- now I know'... The boy said the shark was filling in a football pools coupon, eating mashed potato..."
(Kings Cross Whisper, Issue No. 97)

Melbourne vs. Sydney

" Melbourne. -- Hundreds of thousands of people fell down on their knees expecting the end of the world when a ray of sun broke through the clouds for the first time in 50 years..."
(Kings Cross Whisper, Issue No. 97)

Australia's purchase of the troubled F-111 jet fighter

"All problems with the controversial F-111 aircraft have been solved except one... The only minor problem remaining was to get the aircraft off the ground."
(Kings Cross Whisper, Issue No. 118)

Kings Cross Whisper - Its History and Hilarious Headlines
Kings Cross, NSW

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Author: David Paul Wagner
(David Paul Wagner on Google+)

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